Consider it.

I consider doing things a lot. Mostly, I find myself daydreaming but I'm too cautious to go for a lot of the things I consider. Here's a list of things I consider that I either am not brave enough or haven't gotten around to for other reasons. 

1. Get a tattoo.  Too cliche? I want Walter and Zheek (guinea pig love) on my bod. My dream is to get a tat of all the guinea pigs I ever own. I've also considered to get all the states I've lived in. Too nervous to make that commitment. And when I'm 80 it'll be a potato. But I guess that's not so bad.  Potatoes are tasty.



2.Get a doggie! Unfortunately, I made a pact that we wouldn't get one until after we're married. And I worry about a dog getting along with the pigs. If a dog harmed my piggies, I would hate it for eternity.
 


3. Dye my hairs.  It's gotten more dishwater-esque in the last two years. Because I'm not as into the sun as I was in college, I don't get those natural blonde highlights that I used to. I dunno. I don't have the guts to go for it.

4. Pierce somethaaaang.  Maybe just the other earhole that grew shut.  Maybe pierce my nose.  Is that even cool?  I'm probs way too old for that business. 

 

5.  Buy a House.  I want an old house that's been redone. Preferably in my hood.  Preferably with a beauty of a yard.  And a cute bungalow style.  Real expensive here.  But so cute. I will never be able to afford that biz.
 

List (less)

I have so many friends with goals and ambitions who are accomplishing things.  Big jobs, grad school, becoming homebuyers, having babes, getting their shit together. I'm happy for them, don't get me wrong.  I am mostly extremely jealous..not of the babies.  I don't want babies. 

Here I am.  Getting haircuts that look good on the first day (It hasn't looked that good since the dude styled it) and living an unemployed life.  Doesn't sound so bad?  Nawwwwww..I guess it's really not. I do a lot of baking and reading and not nearly enough artmaking. But I feel like I used to have ambitions and goals other than just wanting a job to pay bills.  Growing up=jaded Headless Hopeless. Right now I'm kinda aimless other than that whole pay the bills/have cute guinea pigs thing.

I can't even finish this job app for a job that I should get soon without stressing too much.  I overthink every sentence.  I hang on what they might wanna hear.  I get too nervous over these dumb things. I worry too much that I'm not good enough for any job.  I'm not THAT qualified.  But I'm not NOT that qualified.  

Its a whirlwind in the old Hauk' Head.

Another list to encourage myself.
1. GROW THAT SELF CONFIDENCE
2.  CHANNEL YOUR INNER "DUDE"
3.  LOVE YOURSELF EVERY MINUTE OF EVERYDAY

=Good things will happen....RIGHT? RIGHT! ( I think)