List (less)

I have so many friends with goals and ambitions who are accomplishing things.  Big jobs, grad school, becoming homebuyers, having babes, getting their shit together. I'm happy for them, don't get me wrong.  I am mostly extremely jealous..not of the babies.  I don't want babies. 

Here I am.  Getting haircuts that look good on the first day (It hasn't looked that good since the dude styled it) and living an unemployed life.  Doesn't sound so bad?  Nawwwwww..I guess it's really not. I do a lot of baking and reading and not nearly enough artmaking. But I feel like I used to have ambitions and goals other than just wanting a job to pay bills.  Growing up=jaded Headless Hopeless. Right now I'm kinda aimless other than that whole pay the bills/have cute guinea pigs thing.

I can't even finish this job app for a job that I should get soon without stressing too much.  I overthink every sentence.  I hang on what they might wanna hear.  I get too nervous over these dumb things. I worry too much that I'm not good enough for any job.  I'm not THAT qualified.  But I'm not NOT that qualified.  

Its a whirlwind in the old Hauk' Head.

Another list to encourage myself.
1. GROW THAT SELF CONFIDENCE
2.  CHANNEL YOUR INNER "DUDE"
3.  LOVE YOURSELF EVERY MINUTE OF EVERYDAY

=Good things will happen....RIGHT? RIGHT! ( I think)